


This is our story

by Mimisempai



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Isaïah is a good bro, Journalist Rafael, M/M, Mature Sonny, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, Rafael and sonny jaded by life, Smut, actually 10 years after, ada sonny, fluff but not right away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:53:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27801844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimisempai/pseuds/Mimisempai
Summary: Sonny and Rafael, meet by chance 10 years after Rafael's departure, in a gay bar.Sonny has become a well-known  lawyer thanks to his success with the Innocence project and Rafael has chosen a more discreet career as a journalist and researcher.Both wounded by life, Will they be able to find solace in each other ?
Relationships: Nick Amaro/Mike Dodds, Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 48
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

Sonny took a deep breath as he walked through the door of the pub. _Serenity_ was not a typical pub. It was one of the few places in its neighborhood where men could safely meet other men. His gaze moved with appreciation on the people who were huddled together, dancing slowly on the dance floor. 

He knew he was a sentimental idiot, but whenever he saw a scene like this, he always imagined that the men kissing and swinging slowly to the music were long-term lovers rather than the one-night stands he thought they were. 

There was a time when he had wished for something like this, a partner he could cherish. Unfortunately reality had taught him a hard lesson about what he could and could not have. 

His exploits within the Innocence Project had earned him the attention of the press. Attention that he would have done well without. But his boss, Counselor Bayard Ellis, had pointed out to him that good publicity for their firm could on the contrary be beneficial to them, so he had made the best of a bad job, he had participated in interviews on TV and answered to some journalists. All of that had projected him in the spotlight. Enough for people to recognize him on the street. But this celebrity was just too big an obstacle to have a sincere relationship. The men he attracted wanted him for all the wrong reasons, and the men Sonny was attracted to were always too worried about publicity to risk more than a one-night stand. Now at forty he had resigned himself to his fate. He used to come to _Serenity_ when he couldn't hold on, but more importantly, he used to come alone. Life had not turned out the way he thought it would, but for whom was that really the case?

He walked towards the bar. Although he had made sure he looked casual, he heard the excited murmurings of some people as he was recognized. Sonny hated it, but these days he was using it to his advantage. Once word of his presence had spread, he usually had his choice of partners. That made everything easier. He would choose the one who looked the sexiest and sleep with them. He hated it, but need always outweighed his morals.

"A scotch," Sonny told the bartender when he finally got to him. Sonny was taking his first sip when someone called out to him. 

"Sonny?"

He turned around, because normally it was "Sonny Carisi? "or "I've read so much about you," and not just his first name. He immediately recognized the black-haired man who had come to the bar next to him. Ten years had passed since he had left Manhattan SVU and he hadn't seen the other man since.

"It's you! I didn't expect to see you in a place like this. I didn't even know you were gay!" exclaimed Mark Albert, patting Sonny on the shoulder as if they had been best friends. It was another thing his celebrity status encouraged. People who had barely paid attention to him at the time, now tended to exaggerate the closeness of their previous relationships. Sonny put a smile on his face and tried to look happy about the chance encounter. "Hello, Mark. How are you doing? "

"Good, Sonny. I'm fine. I guess I don't have to ask how you are. I read about your success in the papers regularly. Things seem to be going well for you. " 

Sonny shrugged and said, "You know how the newspapers exaggerate." 

"Yes, but still ... you have quite a life, don't you? They say you're such a good lawyer that even Rita Calhoun's record doesn't compare." 

Desperate to change the subject, Sonny asked, "So, what are you doing these days?" Mark replied, "I haven't changed, I'm still a detective, but not in Manhattan anymore." he smiled self-mockingly as if his own job wasn't something that could compare to being a lawyer.

"Hey, that's great," Sonny said.

"I guess. But that has nothing on you, right?" And there was the awkward pause that always happened when people who barely knew him tried to get close. Mark interrupted him with the question that Sonny was dreading. "So, do you have news of Amanda, you were sort of close to her, we always believed you would end together, the way you got along so well with her and her daughter." 

Sonny answered the question as best he could. "Good, the last time I saw them. " Sonny didn't add that the time between the last time he saw Amanda was just a few years shorter than the last time he saw Mark. But Mark didn't need to know all that, though. 

"Ah, that's good. " Mark replied. Sonny hoped Mark wouldn't have the courage to offer. It was hard enough with strangers, it was even harder with people who had known him and should have known him better. An uncomfortable bubble of silence seemed to isolate them from the noisy and busy bar for a while. Visibly looking for something to talk about, Mark said nervously, "You'll never believe who's there." 

Seeing the prospect of another one of those awful reunions, Sonny wondered if he should not forget the idea of getting laid tonight and go home. However, his manners did not allow him to ignore Mark's attempt, so he asked, "Who?

"Barba," Mark said, with his first real smile. 

It was incredible, really, the level of emotion that the mere name could awaken in him. He hadn't seen the man since the trial ten years ago. 

"No way," Sonny said. But he saw no trace of a joke on Mark's face.

"Really," Mark said, pointing to the shadows to their right. "He's at a table in the corner. It shocked me the first time I saw him here. I've been here twice since that first time and Barba's been here too. " 

"Have you... ever... "Sonny found himself asking a totally inappropriate question, because the idea of his former mentor going to a gay bar was so beyond his ability to understand that he temporarily lost control of his mouth. 

"Are you crazy? He may no longer be a prosecutor, but Barba is still the sassy bastard he was then. It's a miracle he found someone to sleep with him. " 

"Is that so?" Once again, Sonny's question slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself. "I saw him leave with a guy once at closing, but mostly he just sits there and watches the dancers, and then he goes off on his own," said Mark. Sonny was intrigued in spite of himself. He had never really questioned Barba's sexuality. But Barba was apparently here in the flesh, and it was too new to miss. Sonny gave Mark a friendly pat on the arm and said, "Good to see you again, Mark," and he walked over to the place Mark had shown him. 

Sonny had no idea what he was going to say to Barba, but even if they started insulting each other, it would be better than the awkward little conversation he had tried to have with Mark. The one thing he knew for sure was that Barba would not behave like a fan in front of a star. Away from the bar, it was darker. Sonny could barely make out the tables on the other side of the dance floor, but when he got around the dancers, he finally saw the tables. 

It took Sonny barely 5 seconds to identify the familiar figure from his days at SVU. Even after more than 10 years as a successful lawyer, Sonny still found Barba intimidating. He had changed quite a bit. His hair was longer and messier. He had grown a beard. But what Sonny found most shocking was the way he was dressed. No ties or flashy pocket square, no designer suit, a simple shirt and jeans.

Sonny stood in the shadows, taking a long time to observe his former mentor, having an inner debate about the very wisdom of trying to make contact. It wasn't as if he and Barba had a more than friendly relationship. Even when Sonny had worked with him on a few cases, the lawyer had belittled him most of the time.

No, there was really no love lost between them, but ... . Sonny had known Barba in a way that he had never known Mark or perhaps anyone else in his life. Despite their differences and disagreements, they had worked well together and all Barba had taught him has made Sonny become the lawyer he was now.

Sonny thought he could have a decent conversation with Barba, provided the man agreed to talk to him. Sonny was very conscious of the fact that Barba was perfectly capable of making a scene that would make the front page of the New Yorker faster than his last case. 

"Still shadowing, Carisi? " the familiar and deep voice of his former mentor could be heard a few feet away. "Come here and sit down or leave ... before I go. "

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of Sonny and Rafael encounter.

Sonny was startled. He should have been completely invisible in the shadows. But this was Barba. He was not at all surprised that the man had lost none of his sharp mind over the years. Thinking that the invitation to sit down indicated that Barba might be inclined to endure his company, Sonny took the few steps that separated them. He was fully aware of Barba's gaze as he approached the secluded table and slid into the empty chair facing Barba. 

"How did you know I was there?" Sonny asked, really curious. 

"I saw you arrive and I have to admit that I am surprised to see you in such a place, Carisi."

Sonny was amazed to feel a smile forming on his own lips at Barba's words. The words weren't that different from what Mark had told him, but the impact wasn't the same. "I was going to say the same thing, Counselor."

" I haven't answered to that title for  ten years now." Barba corrected. 

"I know you left without telling anyone where you were going or what you were doing." said Sonny, amazed at the friendly way things were going. He knew it wouldn't last, but it was a nice change from the snarky way the man talked to him in the past.

A little cheeky he added "There have been several rumors, some of them more far-fetched than others. One version said that you were a private lawyer for wealthy people, another that you were a law professor in another state." 

Barba simply stared at him for a long time before responding softly, "While I admit that being a lawyer for wealthy people would not have displeased me at one time, I'm afraid my job is much more ordinary."

"Professor then?" says Sonny, surprised to realize that he was really teasing Rafael Barba and that he was getting away with it. Until now. He was very aware that this could change every second.

Barba shook his head.

"In that case, what do you do? If you want to tell me about it, of course." 

"If you want to know, I started as a freelance music critic and I do research in this field. I can't say it makes me very rich, but it makes me feel comfortable," said Barba.

"I'm glad to hear that." replied Sonny

"Really? I would have thought that you would have been disappointed with this career change." 

Sonny supported the penetrating gaze. "Maybe 10 years ago. But not anymore."

"You are lenient." Barba replied, his left eyebrow raised as if to accentuate what he had just said. 

"To be honest, I'm a little surprised at how approachable you are tonight." Sonny admitted hesitantly. 

"I wouldn't have thought your vocabulary would include a word like approachable," said Barba, the old sass back but without the acidity of that time. 

"I'm full of surprises." Sonny replied. Repressing his need to squirm as those smart eyes continued to watch him, Sonny continued, "But, seriously, I was sure you would have belittled me by now." 

"Don't you find the comment about your inadequate vocabulary demeaning?" Barba asked.

"Not from you." Sonny replied. Barba had always known how to provoke him. Barba's comments about his intelligence and vocabulary were almost compliments. 

Barba, seeming a little unsettled, changed the subject to give himself some composure. "There was a time when you could have condemned me. Instead, you pleaded my case before McCoy - yes, I know about that."

"I did nothing special." Sonny denied, uncomfortably moving around in his seat. The last thing he wanted was Barba's gratitude. 

"Really? Are you familiar with the words, ' _ If you fire Barba, then fire half the lawyers because some have done much worse _ '? Yes I know that too. Thank Liv for that." Barba added in a soft tone that Sonny had never heard before. 

"I didn't do it just for you." Sonny protested. "I did it because SVU needed you." Because I needed you, Sonny added in his head.

Barba nodded, still looking non-aggressive. "I know that. That's why I never wanted to bother you with inappropriate expressions of gratitude."

"But you didn't say anything to me at all at the time," Sonny remarked carefully, not wanting to offend him, but wanting to be honest. Barba answered him calmy instead of losing his temper, "At the time getting fired seemed to be the best I could hope for." A shadow ran across Barba's previously unreadable face. After a long, tense silence, Barba quietly admitted, "Maybe I should have known. Liv always held you in high esteem."

Sonny thought back to those days, Barba had been on the edge of his seat. Sonny couldn't even imagine how he must have felt. 

"You know, I understand what you did and why you did it." 

"I have to admit I'm shocked to hear you say that." Barba said.

Sonny had a bitter laugh. "It took me a while to understand it, and at first I barely defended you in my mind. But I knew I didn't want you to leave like that. You didn't deserve it."

"Really?" Barba asked. "Well, whatever your motivation was, you did it anyway. And that matters to me."

"You seem very different," Sonny said. If it weren't for the sarcasm, he would almost have thought the man was a complete stranger. But had Sonny really known who Barba truly was, he had never seen him as anything other than a sassy prosecutor. 

"For 10 years now, I haven't had to gauge every person I meet, to play games of pretense...It's freeing." replied Barba. 

"I really know what you mean." Sonny said of his own experience. 

"I'm not the only one who has changed." Barba said in that rich voice that had been the first thing Sonny liked about him. 

Acknowledging how true this was, and aware of what Barba might have said to explain how he had changed, Sonny shrugged and replied, "I guess even I had to change someday, counselor."

"You can do without the counselor as I already said, Carisi. I'm no longer a lawyer," says Barba. 

"Old habits die hard. What should I call you, then?" Sonny asked. 

"My name will do," Barba said sarcastically. 

Sonny thought. 

"Calling you Barba makes me feel like I disrespect you somehow." 

Even though Barba's face did not reveal anything of what he was feeling, Sonny felt that he had surprised him. After a moment's reflection, Barba said, without sarcasm, "You could try 'Rafael', then." 

Feeling as if he had received a great honor, Sonny smiled and said, "Okay, Rafael. I'm still Sonny." 

"You certainly are...Sonny." replied Barba, obviously not at ease with saying the name out loud. 

Sonny didn't even try to hold his laugh this time. When he calmed down, he said, "You can always call me Carisi if it makes you happy." 

Sonny took a sip of his scotch and looked at the man sitting in front of him. It was really weird sitting in a gay bar and laughing with Rafael Barba in the middle of it all. He had just opened his mouth to ask Barba about which music he was writing and researching when someone touched him on the shoulder. 

“Sonny Carisi?”

Sonny turned his gaze to the completely unknown, but breathtakingly beautiful man's face. The stranger was so handsome that Sonny suspected an abuse of makeup and surgery. 

"Yes." Sonny replied cautiously. 

"I couldn't believe it when I saw you sitting there. I'd heard that you came here from time to time. I never thought I would get the chance to meet you." As if he remembered his manners, the athletic man reached out his right hand and introduced himself, "David Malone."

"David." Sonny replied, not taking his hand. 

The man let it drop without a problem. With his dazzling smile, on a truly blinding level, he continued, "Look, I know this is going to sound very forward, but would you like to...spend some time together? I've read so much about you that I feel like I know you, and I promise you won't be disappointed." 

The smile Malone gave him would have melted icebergs but as it was, it was difficult for Sonny to keep the anger in his voice as he replied, "Excuse me, but did you notice that you had just interrupted a private conversation?" 

Malone's blue eyes blinked in his direction. The totally haughty expression that followed his gaze transformed this attractive face into something really ugly. In a tone that was not quite low enough to be inaudible from where Barba was sitting, Malone whispered. "You can do better than that, Sonny. He's way too old for you." People's absolute stupidity never ceased to amaze Sonny. Seeing Barba stiffen, Sonny responded quickly before his former mentor could curse the moron, "First of all, that old man is an old friend of mine. Second, without him, I wouldn't be where I am now. And third, if you think I'd have the bad taste of sleeping with someone as crude as you, you're wrong. Get lost, before I let the 'old man' teach you a thing or two about manners." 

Malone remained silent with shock before turning around and leaving with an angry step. 

"You didn't have to do this on my behalf, Carisi," Barba said in the tone Sonny remembered from his years at SVU. 

"I didn't." Sonny replied. "You can't imagine that I would be interested in someone so rude?"

"Manners aren't generally the most important here." Barba says in a less cutting tone. "He was very handsome."

"He was wearing a lot of makeup, and even if he wasn't.... A one-night stand looks a lot like any other. It wouldn't have worked anyway," Sonny replied. 

"What do you mean, it wouldn't have worked anyway?" Barba asked, looking really interested.

"It's to the point where I've almost developed a radar to choose who I'm going to have problems with."

"Really?" Barba asked. 

"Well, it usually turns out most men do. You know how it is. You get to a certain point in the process where it's always a fight over who's going to be on top." said Sonny, only realizing belatedly that his brain had once again separated from his mouth and he was sitting here talking sex with his former mentor. But Barba seemed neither scandalized nor even shocked. Holding his gaze, Barba replied in a strangely neutral tone: "No, I'm afraid I don't know."

"You don't know what?" Sonny asked, feeling as if he was losing the thread of the conversation. How could Barba not know? All the gays knew. 

"I don't know what it's like to fight over who's going to be on top, as you so elegantly put it." Barba replied. 

"But how can you not know?" Sonny tried to keep his voice down. Barba wouldn't be here if he wasn't attracted to men, and every gay man has had to face the same question when it comes to penetration. Barba simply raised an eyebrow and looked at him expectantly. It took a long time for him to realize what he meant, but when he did, Sonny could feel his cheeks burning. "Oh." The corners of Barba's mouth twisted into what could have been a smile at his reaction.

Sonny reflected on what he had just learned. Barba had always seemed such a control freak that Sonny couldn't imagine him preferring to be bottom. Men who didn't want to play the dominant role in bed were rare in Sonny's world. Sonny realized that if it had been anyone other than Rafael Barba, he probably would have had a choice of partners every night he came here. Even without changing his character, Barba would have been immensely popular. Barba seemed completely indifferent to the subject of their conversation. Looking at Sonny with those bottomless green eyes, he took a sip of the amber drink on the table in front of him. 

As the silence stretched between them, Sonny didn't know what to say next. Knowing which position Barba preferred in bed was more than he ever thought he wanted to know about Barba, only Sonny was intrigued. The discovery unsettled him. He felt strangely agitated. His pulse was racing, his breathing was short, the room suddenly seemed unusually warm. Absolutely stunned, Sonny recognized these physical symptoms for what they were. He hadn't felt like this for so long that he had completely forgotten what it felt like to be aroused.

Sonny knew that in the light of their past, the idea that crossed his mind was a gamble. He must have been completely crazy to even consider what he was thinking... only it had been so long since he had felt such excitement that he could not ignore it. Before thinking too much, Sonny took a deep breath and asked, as casually as his beating heart would allow, "Did you come here to find a partner for the night?" 

"That's why we're all here, right? "Barba replied, seemingly more on guard. But Barba still didn't break down and tell him it was none of his business why he was here, as would have happened years ago. Encouraged by this small victory, Sonny forced himself to support that gaze as he asked, "I guess spending the night with me would be out of the question?" 

The silence that followed his question made him feel like he was caught in the ice. My God, he had just made a pass at Rafael Barba. What was he thinking? He held his breath but Barba simply looked at him for a long time before answering, "Are you trying to be funny?"

Feeling the blood disappear from his face, Sonny shook his head. "Not at all"

The green eyes ran across his face so intensely that Sonny could almost believe that Barba was trying to read his thoughts. There were still no bad comments. Finally, Barba said, "Do you want me to believe that you really want to spend the night with me?"

"I know it's crazy, but... Yes, that's it," Sonny replied, still unable to believe that he was actually having this kind of conversation with Rafael Barba. 

"You have to understand that I have to ask you why," said Barba. Sonny tried to find an argument that would circumvent Barba's considerable self-preservation instincts, but he was no good with words. All he had was the pathetic truth he didn't want to share. Only he asked Barba for an unprecedented level of trust between them. Surely he could give Barba something in return, even if it was embarrassing.

"You saw the way Malone treated me. Every time I come here, it's like that. It's gotten to the point where I don't feel anything at all. But when you told me what your preferences were, it stirred something in me. I know you have no reason to trust my motives, but I honestly wanted to try. I figured since we're in it for the same thing, why not give it a try?" 

There were too many reasons, and Sonny admitted that he was waiting for Barba to point this out to him. But Barba did not. He just sat there looking at him for what seemed like an eternity before he said, "My place or nothing."

Sonny could only nod. Barba stood up. Sonny followed him. Once outside, Barba stopped a cab and they silently made their way to Barba's home. Sonny had to refrain from pinching himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming, as the situation seemed so surreal to him.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now, Sonny and Rafael have arrived at the latter's house...

Rafael turned on a few lights until he led him into what seemed to be the living room. There was a huge rough stone fireplace along the wall, a long brown sofa, two matching brown armchairs and a dark coffee table. In the corner opposite the one they had arrived at was a big desk with a chair. All the other walls were lined with shelves full of books. The room was warm and welcoming, not at all as he had imagined Barba's home. After observing his surroundings, Sonny turned to his companion. He didn't even know how to approach Barba now that they were here. He couldn't believe that Barba had agreed. Barba who looked at him with the same expression. Their eyes met, and something like a challenge sparkled in the green eyes.

Sonny looked up as Barba entered his personal space. He wasn't sure what to expect. Kissing had never been part of this kind of encounter. Sonny moaned as Barba's hand brushed against his pants. He had been half hard since Barba had confessed that he preferred not to be on top. He had gone from half-interested to enthusiastic in a heartbeat. He could see that Barba was using touch to verify that he was really interested, but Sonny didn't really care why Barba was pressing his hand against him. All that mattered was the feeling that went through him. Barba obviously knew what he was doing. That hand had exactly the right pressure, not too hard, but not slippery or teasing. Barba's touch was firm and confident.

"Very impressive, Carisi" remarked Barba, a little out of breath, Sonny thought. His own breathing was embarrassingly erratic. Maybe it had just been a very long time since Sonny had been so excited that he didn't know how to handle it, all he knew was that his heart was beating at an alarming rate and he no longer had the ability to think. Barba's hands moved to slide the raincoat off Sonny's shoulders and then went up to his waist to open his pants.

Sonny gasped as the fresh air in the room caressed his overheated flesh. He could feel Barba's gaze on his cock as if the other man was touching him. Then Barba slid to his knees and Sonny lost all capacity of rational thoughts as his cock was absorbed into the moist heat of Rafael Barba's mouth. Barely able to believe what he saw, Sonny looked at the brown head bent over his groin. 

Barba really knew how to use his mouth. Sonny had been given several blowjobs in the past, but rarely had anyone used his tongue as enthusiastically and artfully as Barba. He had found the sensitive spot under his penis and grabbed it until Sonny thought his whole body was going to explode from the pleasure he was experiencing. Barba seemed to feel exactly when the stimulation became too strong, as he withdrew for a few seconds before Sonny was ready to come. Sonny's legs slipped out from under him, and he let himself slide on the carpet in front of the man. Their eyes met again. To Sonny's astonishment, Barba seemed as mad with desire as Sonny felt. 

With short breaths as if he had chased a suspect for 5 miles, Sonny watched Barba take his jacket off his shoulders and undo his jeans. Sonny didn't know if he had ever seen skin as golden as that revealed when Barba eagerly pulled down his pants and underwear. Rafael's cock was long and thick and made Sonny's mouth water just by looking at it. He couldn't help but grab it. Barba grew even bigger in his hand as he palmed it and started pumping. 

  
  


After a few minutes, Barba abruptly moved away from his hand. Sonny opened his mouth in protest, but before he could say anything, the man pressed a small tube in his right hand and moved across the floor until he was on his knees, facing Sonny. 

Sonny swallowed when he remembered what Barba had implied he liked about the bar. Trembling with a craving he hadn't felt since he was a teenager, Sonny reached out his left hand to push Barba's shirt so he could see his butt. The skin was as golden as his belly. Barba's butt was incredibly attractive. Sonny hardly swallowed at this sight, because he couldn't remember once that someone had offered this to him so easily, without negotiating in advance. Sonny trembled as he opened the tube that Barba had given him. He warmed the lubricant in his palm and transferred it to his right middle finger.

The grunt that Barba let go when the thin digit penetrated him went through Sonny like a blow to his dick. Barba was so tight around his finger that Sonny wondered if he had really done this before. Sonny took his time. Barba's moan as Sonny's finger brushed against his prostate made him shake. Sonny worked on that secret spot, reveling in the sounds his efforts were making from Barba's normal restraint. When he felt it relax, Sonny removed his finger, added more lubricant, and then carefully inserted two fingers into Barba. Two fingers were twice as good as one, for both of them, according to the other man's cry when Sonny started to penetrate him again. It took him a long time before Barba was stretched enough to allow painless sex, but Sonny did not worry. He rarely had a partner who gave him so much freedom in this area. Finally, he felt that Barba was relaxed enough. Which was a really good thing, because Sonny was so excited that his vision was blurred.

Sonny poured more lubricant his fingers and then quickly put the substance on his genitals. He positioned himself, overwhelmed by the awareness that he was about to have sex with Rafael Barba. Then his penis slipped beyond the guardian muscle, and it was all narrow heat and wild pleasure, with no room for thought or awkwardness. Sonny's cock touched his prostate. Adoring the sound the man made, he did it again and again. Sonny couldn't remember the last time he had felt such intense pleasure, such a welcome from someone. That the person giving him this unprecedented gift was Rafael Barba, was incredible. 

As he placed his left hand on Barba's hip, he slipped the other one around him to grasp his cock. It was just as incredible as before, adjusted to Sonny's palm as if it had been made for it. With his hips and hand finding a mutually satisfying rhythm, Sonny started to push, went all the way back out before regaining that perfect path. Barba moved with him as if they had been doing it for years, as if their bodies knew each other inside out. Every time Sonny pushed, Barba's ass would rush to meet him, and when Sonny pulled back, Barba's hips would wiggle to meet the moving hand on his penis. 

Barba made these little noises that seemed to be ripped out of him against his will. He had his head back and he was panting as if he couldn't catch his breath, as if all the sensations he was experiencing were beyond his capacity to bear. Sonny had never had a partner so in tune with him. 

Too soon, Sonny felt his testicles tighten as they tapped against those bouncy cheeks. A few seconds later, his nerve endings exploded with pleasure as his cock convulsed in the depths of Barba. At about the same time, Rafael exploded in his hand. Sonny collapsed on the older man's back. Then Rafael, yielding under Sonny's weight, crumpled too. They lay there frozen on the carpet, their bodies still locked in that union as they struggled to breathe. 

Sonny sighed with regret as his cock, soft, escaped the man. He knew that he would never have another night like this, that it was a unique experience. Even if he had enjoyed it, Sonny would have wanted to prolong it. After a long moment, Barba rolled over to his side, facing him. A shiver ran through Sonny when their eyes met. He could see the same awkwardness, the same disbelief he felt reflected in those green eyes. Sonny didn't know what he expected when he came here with him, but it certainly hadn't been the explosive sexual chemistry they shared.

When he felt he had caught his breath, Sonny said, "That was.... " 

His words were lost in an embarrassed silence as he realized that he could not finish the sentence without looking like a sentimental idiot. He had never seen Barba as he saw him now, all warm and wrinkled, hair crooked, cheeks still red with pleasure. He couldn't take his eyes off his face. 

Barba replied in a slight strangulation, "Yes...." 

This horrible silence fell between them. Recognizing that if he didn't move now, he could stay there for the rest of his life, Sonny forced himself to sit down. Barba did the same at his side. When Sonny stood up to rearrange his clothes, Barba was right next to him. With his pants up and closed, Sonny took his raincoat from the floor and put it on. He could feel Rafael's gaze every move he made. That's why it was never a good idea to have one-night stands with people you knew, Sonny understood. The awkwardness that followed was enough to kill a man. Even Barba seemed completely upset by what had happened between them. In the past, he would surely have admonished him, but he seemed more stunned than angry. Sonny might appreciate that feeling. 

If it had been another man other than Rafael Barba, his conflicting feelings would have let the other man know how moved he had been and would have asked to see him again. But... it was Barba. Sonny knew that Barba didn't want to hear any of this, not from him, so he didn't say anything. 

Acknowledging that politeness required him to say something before he disappeared, Sonny stammered, "Uh, thank you. I, uh, I guess we'll see each other again one of these days..."

Something that might have been resignation passed through Barba's eyes before it was quickly masked. 

In his almost completely neutral voice, Barba replied, "Who knows..." 

Unable to handle the tension, Sonny swallowed violently and said, "Good night, then."

He didn't know what he was hoping to hear, but certainly not the "Good night, Carisi," which Barba said in a soft voice. 

With a last nod, Sonny went home.  
  
  
  


  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny not being able to forget his night with rafael decides to go all in...

Despite all his efforts to erase the memory, that night with Barba was all Sonny could think about. He tried to tell himself that sex was just sex, but in his whole life he had never had sex like that. His body resonated with the incredible sensations he had experienced. Sonny knew that the wisest thing he could do was to put that night firmly behind him, because if a one-night stand with Barba could upset him that much, there was no way of knowing what more would do. But Sonny had never been really wise.

Barba would probably laugh at him if Sonny came prowling in front of his door a second time. Seriously, where would that get him? Sonny tried to tell himself that it was the novelty that had made that night so hot, that it was the idea of doing it with someone he put on a pedestal that was exciting rather than doing it with Barba himself. But just because Barba had been unusually lenient with him on Friday night, it didn't mean he would ever want to see him again. They both needed to get laid, that's all it was. Wanting something more than a one-night stand was just something impossible and would bring trouble. Sonny knew that.

That's why he knocked on the door of Barba's apartment the next night, because he knew he was in trouble, Sonny thought, as he stood there shivering in the cold early January weather. Maybe he just needed Barba to laugh in his face so he could get on with his life. 

The door opened. Barba's annoyed expression gave way to an expression of complete shock when he saw him, before returning to his usual dullness. "Carisi?" Barba was wearing jeans and a white shirt. The curled arms of his white shirt revealed his muscular forearms, which Sonny found incredibly sexy. It was then that Sonny recognized how doomed he was. He stuttered, having no idea what to say. Maybe it was courage that had brought him here, or maybe it was despair, but whatever it was, it completely deserted him under Barba’s deep gaze.

Barba stepped back, opening the door in a silent invitation. The door closed behind them and Sonny followed his surprised host into the living room. There was an open book on the armrest of the chair closest to the fireplace and a cup of coffee at the end of the nearby table. As Barba turned to him, Sonny didn't know what to say, or even how to begin to explain his presence here. There was something in Barba's reserved expression that made Sonny suspect that Barba was going through a similar crisis to his own. But neither of them spoke.

Sonny didn't know who moved first. The next thing he knew, it was Barba's hands pulling his dark blue sweater to reach the button on his jeans, and Sonny's own hands rushing to undo Barba's pants. 

Barba's member was as beautiful as he remembered, fat, dark and greedy. Somehow he seemed even more erotic surrounded by the open pants and the pushed-back shirt. Sonny palmed Barba's wet penis while Barba's fingers took possession of his. Once again, the pressure seemed perfect. Barba squeezed him as if he knew him from the inside. Sonny returned the favour. The surprised sou

nd Barba made made him think that his efforts were just as effective. Wanting to hear that sound again, Sonny bent down and tied his mouth to the golden throat. Barba uttered a small cry of surprise as Sonny began to suck on the soft skin under his ear. Sonny made his way to the Adam's apple, leaving a trail of tiny red marks in his wake. Meanwhile, their hands took care of each other's cock, raising the pleasure. They stumbled backwards until they walked into the man's desk.

When Sonny took his hands off Barba long enough to grab the tube of lubricant from his pants pocket, Barba turned around and quickly pushed everything on his desk onto the floor. Then he leaned over the shiny, polished mahogany surface of the desk and Sonny lost consciousness of everything but that gorgeous buttocks that were being offered to him. The black pants and flaps of his shirt hid most of it. He pushed the shirt up and pulled Barba's pants down until they folded over his ankles. Sonny caressed the golden skin of these flattering globes, loving the feeling under his palms. Grasping them, he pressed them gently, which caused the other man to groan.

Sonny grabbed the lubricant and opened it. Barba was as tight as he was last night. Seeing this body bent over the desk with his pants tangled at his feet, hearing the amazing sounds he made as his fingers reached inside him and explored him...Sonny had never seen anything so erotic. Although the craving was so strong that his heart beat deafeningly and he could barely breathe, Sonny took his time preparing this narrow channel to relax enough to accept him. Finally, he felt that Rafael was receptive. Sonny put a generous dose of lubricant on his own cock, carefully positioned himself and slipped in. That's what it was like, coming home. No one had ever greeted him like that before. Never before had there been a body that moved like that in tune with his or seemed to complement his needs so well. 

His hand slipped around Rafael to grab his cock, giving him the attention he demanded. Sonny had thought last night was a stroke of luck born of the novelty of sleeping with his former mentor and idol. Tonight showed him that it was different. Barba embodied every wild dream he had ever had. 

Sonny moved carefully in and out of Barba. The man kept his ass in the air, leaving a safe space between his groin and the hard edge of the desk, but Sonny knew how easily a careless move on his part could send Barba crashing on that merciless surface. So he held Barba's hip with his left hand, making sure he wasn't pushing too hard to throw them off balance. Even as he watched himself, Sonny could feel his brain liquefying under the glow of the pleasure he was experiencing. He was more than lost. Sonny felt as if his whole world was exploding around him while he was in the depths of Barba.

Seconds later, the cock in his hand convulsed and Rafael’s desk was splattered with semen. Sonny collapsed against him and moving until he reached the soft, vulnerable neck of the other man, he licked the skin, feeling him shiver in reaction. It wasn't as wild as last night, but Sonny really enjoyed the slower, easier pace. That, too, was something he didn't know. His one-night stands were always hurried and furtive. This orgasm was hot and shivering rather than the erotic earthquake he had experienced the night before. The climax having claimed what energy he had left, Sonny lay there, breathing in Barba's hot perfume and the enticing musk of sex until the other one tried to gently push him.

Realizing that Barba must have been having trouble breathing bent over the desk like that with his weight on his back, Sonny quickly got up. He folded to pull his pants up, while Barba turned to pull his pants up from around his ankles. Again, Sonny had no idea what to say. There was no manual of etiquette on earth that includes a post-coital conversation with someone you finally barely knew.

His former mentor was watching him. His cheeks were still pleasantly reddened, his expression soft and only slightly guarded.

"I didn't expect to see you again," Barba said in the awkward silence.

Sonny nodded, "I know.It doesn't really make sense, but ... it's good, between us, isn't it?"

Barba seemed surprised by his frankness. After a long pause, he said a "Yes", on his guard.

Sonny thought they were both afraid of this, but they were both... interested, in spite of themselves. Taking a deep breath, Sonny admitted, "I didn't know if you'd want to see me again so soon - or at all."

"I, too, have been thinking about the possibility of such a... night again, unlikely."

"Looks like we were both wrong," said Sonny.

"We were," Barba replied. He stood up and leant against the desk. He looked more human than Sony had ever seen him before, more accessible.

"Do you think... I mean, are you willing to...?" Sonny hesitated, having no idea how to phrase the question he wanted to ask.

Barba held his gaze and said in a low, hesitant tone that clearly revealed his own hesitation, "If you're at the end of your rope, you're welcome here, Carisi. I'm home most nights."

Sonny couldn't stop his smile. "Thank you. It's... splendid. I can't wait to see you again."

"If you're at the end of your rope." replied Barba.

"Yes, when I'm at the end of my rope," said Sonny, still smiling like an idiot. "Until then, take care of yourself."

"Good night, then."

"Good night," Sonny replied, closing the door with a strange feeling of butterflies in his stomach that he hadn't felt in many years.

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny wants more, will Rafael give it to him ?

Sonny found himself at the end of his rope for the next five nights in a row. Remarkably, Barba did not protest that he took advantage of the unexpected offer. In the meantime, they did it on every possible surface in the living room.

But at dawn on Friday morning, Sonny found himself in an unexpected dilemma. The sex was fantastic, like nothing he had ever experienced, but...the minute they were alone together, they ended up on top of each other. As wonderful as it was, Sonny really wanted to learn more about the man he was fucking. With the way things were between them now, he didn't even know if Barba was freelancing or employed by a newspaper.

So, early Friday morning before he left for work, Sonny called Barba. He heard him pick up the phone.

"Rafael?"

They spoke so infrequently, the name still seemed strange on Sonny's lips. 

"Carisi?" Barba sounded surprised.

"Hi, sorry to bother you so early, but I was wondering if you had plans tonight?" Sonny spoke at full speed before his courage left him.

"No, I don't have any plans. Why do you want to know? Usually..."

"I do. I just...whenever we're together, we always end up...in the blink of an eye, and I thought it would be nice to see you before we, uh...I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me. There's a restaurant called Olio E Piu at the corner of Christopher Street and Greenwich Avenue that's fantastic and very discreet. What do you think of it?"

Sonny hoped that Rafael had been able to understand what he had said, the words came out in such a nervous rush.

Barba didn't even try to hide his shock. "Aren't you afraid to be seen in public with me?"

That was not the answer he had anticipated. He didn't know if Barba wanted to have anything to do with him that didn't involve sex, and he wouldn't have been surprised by a rejection of his dinner invitation, but he didn't understand the comment "to be seen in public". 

Hoping that he wasn't going to ruin it, Sonny gently admitted, "I'd like to see you more often...if it's okay with you. We both have to eat, so we might as well do it together. But if it makes you uncomfortable, we don't have to. We can just - "

"No, it doesn't make me uncomfortable and, as you say, we both have to eat." Barba replied.

"Fantastic. We could at the front door, if you know where the restaurant is. If not, I could meet you here, and we--"

"No, I know where Olio E Piu is." Barba replied. "Seven o'clock is fine."

"Good. I'll see you at seven, then." Sonny said, still unable to believe that Barba had agreed without discussion.

"Carisi?"

"Yes?" he asked, hoping Barba hadn't changed his mind.

"Thank you." he said.

Troubled by Barba's serious tone of voice, Sonny replied softly, "Believe me, the pleasure is all mine." And he hung up.

______

At precisely 7 pm, Rafael arrived in front of the Olio E Piu. Sonny, who had been waiting for a quarter of an hour, relaxed the moment he saw his silhouette arrive.

"Good evening." Sonny said, reaching out to touch Rafael's arm. 

"Carisi." replied Barba.

Sonny had been thinking about their situation all day. The sexual alchemy they had discovered was incredible. He didn't want to do anything to destroy it. But he still wanted to try to get to know this man who gave him so much pleasure every night.

"I took the liberty of reserving a table for us." Sonny said as they moved towards the entrance.

"Sonny!" the restaurant owner, Luigi, exclaimed when he saw him.

"Hi Luigi!"

"It's so good to see you again! And you brought a guest tonight!" Luigi's round-faced illuminated with delight.

"This is my friend, Rafael Barba. Rafael, this is Luigi. He makes the best lasagne in the world." said Sonny.

"Sonny is too kind." answered Luigi. "My Nonna Nuncia, made the best lasagne. Bless her soul. I make the second best. Follow me."

Luigi led them to the table Sonny had asked for, the one in front of the fireplace. Once seated, Luigi gave them their menus and said, "Rosaria will be here in a moment to take your drink order. If you need anything that's not on the menu, let me know."

"Thank you Luigi." said Sonny as the boss walked into the kitchen. Sonny looked at his companion. Rafael looked curiously around the crowded restaurant. 

"I guess you come here a lot." Rafael said when he finished his observation.

Sonny nodded. "Yes. This is one of the few places where I feel comfortable. Do you like it?"

"I'll hold off judgment until the food arrives." Rafael replied. Sonny chuckled.

"Speaking of food, what do you recommend?" Rafael asked. 

"Obviously lasagne."

"I trust your judgment, you realize the responsibility you're taking on."

Sonny was not afraid, the lasagne was truly divine.

After Luigi's wife Rosaria took their order, Sonny continued the conversation.

"Uh, I was wondering what kind of music you write about?"

Rafael seemed surprised. After a brief pause, he replied: "I'm currently doing an article on poetry in Sondheim musicals".

"Do you work freelance or for a newspaper or TV station?"

"I'm associated with some websites like Broadway.com, but I haven't signed a contract." Sonny was impressed knowing the online magazine's fame. "I prefer to be my own boss." Rafael concluded.

Sonny felt that this fit the character of his former mentor perfectly.

" So you don't see other people often then? "

"I found the solitude comforting after what happened." said Barba. 

Their meals arrived, interrupting the awkward break. Sonny smiled at Rafael's expression when Rosaria put the fragrant plate in front of him. He could see that Rafael was trying to look unimpressed, but it was hard to resist Luigi's steaming lasagne.

The silence lost its tension as they began to eat. They both almost finished their plate when Rafael looked at him from across the table and gently said, "I appreciate the effort you're making tonight, but I'm afraid I'm not very good at socializing anymore, Carisi."

Sonny considered dozens of possible answers. Deciding that honesty was best, Sonny replied, "You don't have to be social. I just wanted to spend time with you that didn't involve what we did last week, not that there was anything wrong with what we did. Is it too hard?"

Rafael's gaze moved around the restaurant, returning to Sonny. "It was a surprisingly pleasant evening."

"So what's the problem?"

"I don't see what's interesting about my company."

"Are you kidding me, I already thought you were one of the most interesting people I knew 10 years ago. You didn't hear me complain, did you?"

"No, you are surprising." Rafael replied.

"I know who you are. I wasn't expecting a whole new jovial personality."

"I don't understand what you want from me. It's...confusing."

"I guess I want to get to know the man you are now. He seems very different from the Rafael Barba I remember."

Barba took a sip of his wine and said, "It's not necessary for what we're doing together."

"Maybe not, but you asked me what I wanted." Sonny recalled.

"May I ask why?"

Looking at those eyes that had taken on a darker hue, Sonny knew he couldn't say that his interest was born out of sex. While it was true that the passion they had found was a great motivation for his desire to get to know Barba, that wasn't the whole truth. So he offered something more personal, something that Rafael could use against him, if he wanted to.

"Because I'm familiar with loneliness myself, and for the last week I've been feeling...less lonely." Sonny admitted, wondering if he was making a mistake. 

Rafael moved into his seat and asked him in a firm tone that would not tolerate any pretense, "because of me?"

Sonny nodded, his throat tightening.

Rafael said calmly, "I'm warning you, Carisi... this could be a disaster."

Taking heart in the fact that Rafael was warning him rather than rejecting him, Sonny said, "I'll take my chances. You've been fantastic so far."

The compliment was obviously a surprise. Much more relaxed, Rafael laughed at himself, "I'm so entertaining."

"If it's any consolation, I'm not used to dating anymore, either." Sonny offered.

"Dating -" 

"Well, I don't know what else to call it. I know we did things a little backwards, starting where other people end, but if it's nice for both of us, what difference does it make?"

"I don't date, Carisi. The idea is ridiculous."

"Why is it ridiculous?"

"Why don't I date or why is the idea absurd?

"Both, I guess." Sonny replied.

"Have you had a head injury I'm not aware of?" Barba demanded. "That's the only explanation I can conceive of for your present attitude."

"So you don't go out at all - ever?"

"Never." Rafael replied dryly.

"Is this a new development or - "

"What sane man would want to go out with a snarky guy like me?" 

Sonny took a deep breath, took Rafael's angry look, and said, "I can't vouch for the health of my mind, but I will."

"You would do what?"

"Go out with you. Tonight wasn't so bad, was it?" Sonny asked.

After a long moment of observing his face, Rafael shook his head.

"Don't look so shocked." Sonny said. "We have already established that I am suffering from a head injury of unknown severity."

Rafael did not respond to his attempt to lighten the moment. "Shock is inevitable. I guess I never thought that you would find my company pleasant." 

Rafael's ruthless honesty was astounding. Sonny barely knew how to react.He realized that what happened 10 years ago must have really shaken Rafael's foundation for him to have such a low opinion of himself. 

"Well, I never thought I'd ever ask you to sleep with me."

For his pleasure, Rafael's lips twisted upwards in a shy and attractive smile. Something seemed to pass between them as they looked at each other in the next pause in the conversation. It was like what happened at night. They didn't say anything, because there just weren't enough words in the dictionary to describe the bizarre situation they were in. Yet there was still some kind of communication.

"Do you like your work as an attorney for the Innocence Project?"

That was all Sonny needed. When coffee and dessert arrived, Rafael seemed almost relaxed. To Sonny's surprise, the other man actually seemed to enjoy listening to him talk. Surreptitiously studying these striking features, Sonny thought the man was really sexy. He didn't know what it was about Rafael that suddenly made him realize this. He already thought he was sexy 10 years ago, but the fancy suit, his style sometimes made him feel like he wasn't up to it. And then in casual wear he had something close to it. Rafael's attitude was not at all suggestive but tonight Sonny could feel an almost magnetic attraction for him.

He was beginning to realize that no one else had ever cared about Rafael. Sonny was having a hard time concentrating on such a solitary life. Well, that was all about to change. Sitting there, watching Rafael eat the last spoonful of his tiramisu as that look wandered through the restaurant, taking it all in as if he was memorizing it in case he never felt anything like it again, Sonny was determined to present Rafael with some of the joys he had missed.

He touched Rafael's hand on the table. Their eyes met. Recognizing a similar warmth in Rafael's eyes, Sonny began to wiggle on his chair. 

Seeing Rosaria enter the room, Sonny caught his attention and waved for the billone. Rafael tried to catch him but Sonny beat him. "It's for me, you'll pay the next one."

"Next one?" 

Sonny raised his forehead, holding Rafael's gaze until his companion blushed and looked away.

Side by side, they left the restaurant. 

  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just after their "first" date, Sonny continues to break down Rafael's barriers little by little...

A few moments later they met again at Rafael's house.

Sonny glanced at Rafael's face and did not look away. For a week he had been wanting to kiss Rafael, resisting the urge because he wasn't sure Barba wanted something so intimate between them. 

Supporting the bewitching green eyes Sonny put his hand under Rafael's chin and gently guided him upwards, seeing the surprise pass into Rafael's eyes, but Rafael didn't resist either. Their lips brushed against each other. Rafael seemed to melt against him and Sonny knew that everything would be fine. Rafael's mouth opened to him with the first stroke of his tongue. It had a slight taste of tiramisu, and something that was particular to Rafael. Sonny's heart quickened when he felt Rafael's fingers go through his hair and press him against him.

Sonny whispered breathlessly, "Is that your room over there?" Rafael nodded.

"Can we go over there and get more comfortable?" Sonny asked, wondering if he was intruding too much on Rafael's private life. They had never left the living room before. But Rafael nodded again and guided Sonny to the closed door. The bedroom looked as comfortable as the living room. When they walked through the door, Rafael turned on a wall lamp that diffused a subdued light. The bedside table that sat next to the bed was buried under piles of books.

He reached out his hand and began to lift Rafael's sweater. It was something else he wanted to change tonight. Although they opened each other's shirts, each time they remained fully dressed. Sonny wanted to take his time tonight, to explore every inch of Rafael in the comfort of a bed rather than the rushing encounters on the furniture that had been going on all week.

Sonny could feel the tension in the body he was caressing increase as he peeled layer after layer of clothes away, but Rafael made no move to stop him. On the contrary, his fingers moved for them too, undoing the button of his own pants.

Sonny bent over to help with the removal when Rafael pulled his black henley up as Sonny did the same with Rafael's sweater. There was something like uncertainty in Rafael's eyes when he met his as he stood up, " I have a bit more mileage on me than you do... ".

"I don't see anything unpleasant, on the contrary..."

Sonny was not used to this kind of behavior from Rafael, a bit of Rafael's self-confidence seemed to have been shaken by what he had experienced. Sonny himself was a little unsettled, although the fragility that the man revealed to him only made him more attractive to Sonny. That's why Sonny reached out his hand and pulled the half-dressed man into his arms.  He intended to hug Rafael if only to try and get them out of this embarrassing situation, but Sonny found himself hugging Rafael for the experience itself . He waited for Rafael to reject him for of the blatant sentimental gesture, but after a moment of shocked tension, Rafael's arms hugged Sonny and he buried his face in Sonny's bare shoulder.

Surprised by Rafael's acceptance, Sonny stood still for a long time before daring to relax. He slid a flat palm along his smooth back. They remained in this strangely comforting embrace for a long, pleasant moment, with Sonny just caressing Rafael's back while the smaller man clung to him. Sonny tried to give a name to the warmth and protection he had inside him, but he had never felt anything like it. All he knew was that he really liked holding Rafael like this. Finally, the quality of the embrace seemed to change. Rafael's hands began to move over Sonny's bare back in caresses that were now more exciting than comforting.

Sonny turned his head and licked the tender skin behind Rafael's left ear. He buried his face in his neck and remained so, breathing Rafael's perfume, letting the heat surround him.

Rafael turned his head and to Sonny's delight, a moment later, Rafael's mouth found his own. The kiss was slow and deep and as warm as the hug had been. Sonny felt Rafael's fingers go through his hair in a mess, probably creating even more of a mess. When they parted to get some air, Sonny stepped back and finished undressing. When he looked towards Rafael, his gaze was fixed on his naked form. Sonny glanced at it, wondering what Rafael found so mesmerizing. His years in the police force had left him in shape, but he always felt big and awkward when he was naked with another man, and Rafael's proportionate silhouette didn't help much, but something in Rafael's eyes made him less aware of himself.

"You now."

Rafael slowly undid his pants, sliding them down his almost naked legs, took off his shoes, then put the pants to the side. 

Their bodies were very different. Apart from similar equipment, they were almost completely opposite. Sonny's body was long and pale, almost hairless, while Rafael's form was almost perfect in its softness. Perhaps sensing Sonny's discomfort, Rafael gave him a gentle smile, "Look at you. I may never let you put on another garment again."

Sonny blushed with pleasure.

It was embarrassing to have to bend over to initiate a kiss, but Sonny didn't care. They may not have been the same, with Rafael's erection pressing on Sonny's thigh, and Sonny's erection pointing into Rafael's stomach, but all that warm skin seemed unbelievable. Sonny led them to the huge bed. Rafael moved smoothly, seeming ready to follow wherever Sonny led. A minute later, Sonny found himself huddled above Rafael, their groins pressed against each other. The resulting kiss was even better than the last one.

Sonny moved his lips from Rafael's mouth to his neck. All resistance seemed to leave Rafael as he shivered in reaction. Rafael's hands and mouth clung to any part of Sonny that came within reach, but for the most part he seemed overwhelmed by Sonny's gentle attentions. When Sonny's mouth closed on a brown nipple, Rafael gave a surprised gasp that turned into a groan as Sonny began to suck. Rafael's tender belly seemed particularly vulnerable to the sensation, and these bare thighs became one of Sonny's favorite playgrounds. His tongue and lips learned them, claiming every inch of Rafael as his own.

It was like that, as if he was marking Rafael as his own. 

For the past week, they had been going at it like dogs in heat. Rafael had let him take it as often as he wanted, but there had always been obstacles. Rafael had always kept a part of himself. But tonight all those walls had fallen down. This Rafael didn't fight to keep silent, he moaned and sighed with abandon while Sonny worshipped the body so generously offered to him.

When Sonny's mouth closed around his cock, Rafael's entire body seemed to shiver in reaction. Later when the man curled up on the bed in a silent scream, Sonny swallowed and then Rafael collapsed against the black comforter.

Only when Rafael deflated did Sonny withdraw. He looked up at Rafael and crossed his almost lost gaze. Taking a deep breath to calm his own body, Sonny shifted his position and carefully placed his mouth over Rafael's and let all those warm and protective feelings he felt perfume the kiss. 

After a moment, Rafael's hands grabbed his shoulders, pulling him close as his mouth opened to him. It took Sonny a long time to get some air. When he did, there was something new and fragile in Rafael's eyes.

Eventually Rafael broke eye contact, his gaze moving to the bedside table, he reached out his arm, took the bottle of lubricant and handed it to Sonny. 

After a moment, Rafael spread his thighs. Trembling with need, Sonny opened the bottle and generously coated his fingers. He moved down a little until he was between Rafael's legs. Sonny began to prepare Rafael. They had never made it face to face before. It was the first time he could see Rafael's expression at that moment. The only description he could find was incandescent. When he was ready, Rafael raised his knees to his chest, bending his ass up for easy access. Putting his hand on Rafael's hips, Sonny positioned himself and leaned over Rafael carefully. He had never been more aware of anything than those green eyes on his face as he watched his every move. The resistance was greater face to face, the penetration deeper. Sonny looked up at Rafael's face, hoping that he wasn't hurting him, and found himself trapped by those burning green eyes. He felt as if he was falling into them. As Sonny went deeper into Rafael's body, he had never felt so welcome anywhere. Sonny bent over for a kiss, and Rafael stretched to meet his mouth. More than just physical pleasure, Sonny was almost overwhelmed by the emotions that ran through him, anchoring him to this man as he had never been connected to anyone or anything in his life.

Sonny knew that he didn't want this feeling to stop, ever. There was a tender quality to it, a totally impossible innocence that was tearing him apart inside. 

Rafael broke the kiss with a scream, spraying his hot seed on Sonny's chest, the sensation pushing Sonny over the edge. Burying his face in Rafael's neck, Sonny moaned as his body trembled with pleasure. When it was over, he collapsed on Rafael. Rafael spread his knees apart so that Sonny landed on his chest. Then those legs wrapped tightly around Sonny's waist and Sonny was cocooned in that beloved scent and warmth.

"Beloved" He had never been close enough to anyone to use that word before. Strange as it was to think of using it to define Barba, Sonny couldn't deny the truth that pulsed through his veins with every beat of his heart. 

It wasn't something he could ever say to Rafael, but it was true and Sonny didn't even try to deny it as he lay there completely drained, waiting for the world to realign around him as he fought for every breath.

Sonny transferred most of his weight to the mattress, leaving only his right side resting gently against Rafael. Tonight was different. Usually this was the moment he would leave and Rafael seemed to be waiting for him to do exactly that; although the tension in his body and the tightness in his face told Sonny that this was not something Rafael particularly wanted.

They had crossed a lot of barriers tonight, places neither of them had ever imagined they would visit, at least not together. Sonny thought that breaking one more barrier wouldn't be so important. Or at least he hoped not. 

Gently brushing Rafael's cheek with his hand, Sonny gently asked, "May I stay?"

Rafael seemed completely distracted by the touch.

Encouraged by this reaction, Sonny repeated in other words, "May I spend the night here with you?"

Even before Rafael opened his mouth to speak, the shocked pleasure in his eyes gave Sonny his answer.

"If you have to," Rafael replied, trying a nonchalance he didn't have.

Smiling, Sonny bent over to kiss those fiery lips. It was supposed to be a quick, chaste thank you, but when Sonny finally emerged for air a long time later, they were both out of breath. After laying his head on the pillow next to Rafael's, Sonny put one arm and one leg intimately on his companion before letting his eyes close. He thought he could feel Rafael staring at him as he fell asleep.

  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following the last chapter, Sonny invites Rafael to come and see his basketball training... and introduces him to one of his colleagues....

Even before he was fully conscious, Sonny knew he was being watched. After being undercover several times as a cop, his self-preservation instincts were as sharp as his reflexes. Yet part of him relaxed as he breathed in the familiar smell on the pillow. He never remembered knowing anyone well enough to recognize their smell on the sheets, but even after only a week, Rafael's smell became a comforting constant.

Sonny opened an eyelid. Of course, Rafael was lying on his side looking at him as if he the most fascinating thing in the universe. Even half asleep, Sonny couldn't help but notice how good Rafael looked, his hair all tousled with sex and his naked shape sensually outlined under the comforter. Unfortunately, Sonny's favorite pieces were covered.

Smiling, because it seemed incredibly decadent to wake up next to a lover, Sonny pulled out a hoarse, "Hello."

"Mmmmmm." 

"Did you get any sleep?" Sonny asked.

"A little. I'm not used to sharing a bed." admitted Rafael.

"Neither am I."

"Still, you look like you slept like a log."

"I felt confident."

For his pleasure, Rafael's cheeks turned slightly pink.

Loving this unexpected side of Rafael, Sonny bent down to kiss Rafael's cheek, wanting to spare the man his morning breath. But Rafael's hands went up to frame his face, and the next thing Sonny knew, his mouth was caught in a deep, wet kiss. He was still a little amazed that Rafael had initiated the kiss. Rafael pressed him towards him until he was huddled on top of him. Rafael was a soft cushion and Sonny loved the warmth and intimacy of it. Always locked in the kiss, their groins brushed against each other in a sensual press. It had been several years since he had had a lying over like that next to a lover. He could get used to it. His body apparently agreed, because a few moments later he came between their pressed bodies followed quickly by Rafael. 

"My God, you're incredible," Sonny sighed once they managed to pull their mouths off of each other. To his great relief, the anxiety instantly left Rafael's eyes, to be replaced by that light that Sonny had noticed last night. He wondered if his own reaction was so obvious, and suspected that he was probably much worse since he had never been good at hiding his feelings.

"That head injury was very serious, wasn't it?"

"There's no cure," Sonny replied before continuing, "Um, what are your plans for the day?" 

"Aside from working on my article, I have no plans. What are your plans?"

"I'm playing on an amateur basketball team. We train every other Saturday morning. I'll, uh, have to go soon," said Sonny.

"I understand," replied Rafael, his eyes turning away, but not before Sonny saw the regret in them.

Sonny yielded to the impulse of the moment, "Want to come and see? Lots of guys bring friends and family. It's going to be freezing cold and we'll probably freeze our balls off, but I thought we could have lunch afterwards and see a movie or something."

"A movie?"

"Yeah, you know the thing with actors that you watch while you eat popcorn," Sonny laughed.

"I know what a movie is, idiot!"

"And?"

Rafael nodded slowly.

"Perfect."

"You realize you could ask me to go fishing with you and I'd be happy to go with you at that point, right? Obviously, you're not the only one with a serious head injury."

An hour later, Sonny led Rafael through the room where his team was training.

"Hey, Sonny," Isaiah Holmes greeted Sonny and Rafael as they approached the group.

"Hey, Isaiah," said Sonny, his arm resting on Rafael's elbow. 

"This is my friend, Rafael Barba. Rafael, Isaiah Holmes."

Isaiah's eyes widened when he recognized Rafael. Barba was still known in the world of lawyers. To Sonny's relief, surprise gave way to Isaiah's usual smile that said, "Hello."

"Mr. Holmes, I've heard a lot about you," said Rafael with a surprisingly courteous wink. Sonny realized that he had talked about Isaiah at dinner last night. The really surprising part was that Rafael remembered. Sonny turned a gentle smile on his lover, before turning to his colleague.

"Call me Isaiah, please," Isaiah said, reaching out his hand, "Nice to meet you, Rafael."

"Amy," Isaiah shouted, "Come see Sonny's friend."

Isaiah's sister, a blonde with an open smile like her brother's, crossed over to join them, along with half the team.

"It's so good to meet you!" Amy was enthusiastic. She didn't know anything about Rafael. "Sonny's never invited anyone to a game."

The next ten minutes went by in the blink of an eye when Rafael was introduced to the team and the friends and acquaintances that accompanied them. To Sonny's relief, everyone was very polite. Most of his team was friendly to Rafael, so openly curious about his presence here.

"Come on, you lazy bastards! Let's get started," shouted the captain.

"Stand over there. "Sonny whispered to Rafael before joining his team.

Rafael nodded. "I assure you, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Yes, of course you are. I was just thinking about your head injury, that's all."

"Understandable. Pay attention. Yours is worse."

Sonny smiled. He leaned closer to Rafael's ear, and gently confessed, "I know it's crazy, but I really want to kiss you."

Although visibly pleasantly surprised by Sonny's words, Rafael replied in a perfectly normal voice: "That would be very unwise."

"Yeah, I know. I just--"

"Carisi!" It was Isaiah who called him.

"Well, I must run. See you later," said Sonny, content with a friendly squeeze on Rafael's shoulder.

Sonny knew he was acting like a teenager in love, but he found himself showing off outrageously during training for Rafael's sake. He had always been good with a basketball, but when he wanted to, he could be damn good. Today, he was on all four corners of the court, having single-handedly put half of his team's 3-point baskets in. When the game was over, Sonny was exhausted and covered in sweat. An equally sweaty Isaiah walked beside him as the group made its way to his audience.

"You should bring Rafael more often. The way you were running today, we'll win against Rita's office team if Rafael's in the audience next month." At first, Sonny didn't know how to take the pleasant commentary. He didn't think he was that obvious. Realizing that Isaiah knew him too well to try to fool him, Sonny smiled and replied, "I'll make sure he's in the front row, then."

Isaiah stopped by his side, looked around, and said to Sonny, "But, seriously, Sonny. It's good to see you happy. It's been a long time."

Sonny looked toward where Rafael was waiting for him as he stood away from the rest of the audience. It was strange, but just the sight of the figure waiting there made him feel incredibly warm. Returning to Isaiah, he patted his friend on the back and admitted, "You are right. I feel damn good. Thank you."

"There's nothing to thank me for. You accepted my companionship in the same way, and we couldn't do this job if we didn't accept each other for who we are."

Thinking he was the luckiest man on earth, Sonny rushed to Rafael, still unable to believe that he actually had someone waiting for him on the sidelines for once.

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As their relationship gradually evolves, Sonny is faced with a dilemma... what could he offer Rafael for Valentine's Day?

Six weeks later, Rafael was waiting for him again at the edge of the field and talking with other parents of the players.

Sonny wasn't sure what to make of their relationship. Even after all this time, he felt that both of them were still cautious, acting as if they expected everything to explode any second. Yet Sonny came to Rafael's house every night. Only he didn't leave after sex anymore. He would spend the night at Rafael's house, leave it to go to work, and come back immediately afterwards. In fact, he practically lived at Rafael's house. He didn't know how a person could end up living with someone without any kind of declaration or even an invitation, but that's precisely what happened.

And it was good. Better than that. For the first time, Sonny felt really happy, and although Rafael didn't tell him, Sonny was pretty sure he felt the same way. That's why his current dilemma caught him off guard. He was practically living with Rafael. They made love every night, slept in the same bed, ate the same meals at the same table. They were unquestionably lovers, most likely friends, but when Valentine's Day arrived, Sonny didn't know what to do.

Until now, Rafael had been surprisingly pleasant. Though he had never suggested any of their outings, he had accepted every one of them. They had been to the movies, to the theater, they ate out regularly, they did all the things that people who go out together do.

But Valentine's Day was a trap. Sonny really wanted to acknowledge his feelings for Rafael on this day dedicated to lovers, but he knew that Rafael despised all traditional forms of celebration. What was he going to do, buy Rafael a friendship ring? Or maybe one of those teddy bears that held a heart that said "I love you"? Just the thought of Rafael's reaction to roses or a box of candy was enough to make Sonny shiver. And yet, he still wanted to do something for him. But what was it? 

Rafael loved books, but the house was already full of them and Sonny honestly had no idea what Rafael already had. The idea of a gift voucher was just too cold. He wanted to give something personal, but not in a personal way that would be embarrassing. Okay, Rafael liked the theater and he liked to eat out, but they did it regularly, so there really wouldn't be anything special about it. 

Sitting at his desk, supposedly working with Isaiah on their daily case, he couldn't concentrate. Theater, food, books...

Sonny stood still. Theater. Sonny was great with movies, Rafael was a gold mine when it came to musicals. Sonny didn't know anything about them, but maybe there was a show, something rare that he could get for him. But he needed expert advice. Who was it?

"Mike!" Sonny yelled, jumping at his feet. Isaiah, who was working on his paperwork, startled and asked across the desk, "Mike what?"

"Huh, sorry, a friend. I'll, uh, I'll take the afternoon," Sonny said.

"One thing's for sure Sonny, you have over a year's accumulated overtime. Ellis will be happy to see you use it," Isaiah said with a smile. 

"Hold down the fort until I get back," Sonny said, finally taking leave.

The precinct hadn't changed much in 10 years. A lot of faces were different, but on the whole, everything was the same. The break room, the offices, the captain's office in the back. Thinking that he would pay Liv a visit after seeing Mike, Sonny walked to the front desk, "Is Detective Mike Dodds here?"

"Who are you?" asked a young secretary whom Sonny did not know without raising her eyes.

"Sonny Carisi, I am an old colleague."

She raised her head in surprise at the familiar name, "Ah yes, of course. Counselor you can wait in the break room. He's supposed to be on his way to here. Ah no! There he is!"

Sonny turned around. The sight of Mike hanging up his coat, before heading to his office brought a smile to his face. A familiar face at last. His old friend hadn't changed. Mike still had that happy look on his face that put a balm in Sonny's heart."

"'Hi, Mike," Sonny greeted.

Mike looked up and smiled, his brown eyes still as deep and sparkling as ever. "Sonny, it's good to see you here!"

For the next ten minutes they exchanged the usual banalities. Sonny was grateful that Mike didn't ask about Amanda. Mike was a true friend and close enough to him to have been fully aware of the nature of their conflict.

"You're not just here for a visit, I guess," Mike finally said.

"No, you're right. I'm actually here to consult an expert," Sonny admitted.

"For a case?" Mike asked enthusiastically.

"Sorry, no. It's personal. I see someone who is passionate about musicals. He's not really the romantic type, and I was wondering if you could suggest a rare show to find that I could get tickets for?" Sonny asked. Luckily, Mike was one of the few old friends who hadn't made any judgments about his sexuality. He had remained steadfastly faithful in his friendship.

"Are you seeing someone who is not romantically inclined?"

Sonny sighed. "Well, he's not sentimental. I wanted to give him something classy."

"Well, there's Hamilton  which is the Holy Grail when it comes to shows ," said Mike. "If your friend is passionate and I get you tickets, I think he'll consider you a god," he said.

"It's not Barba's style either" Sonny froze, realizing what he had just said. Sonny moved uncomfortably and met Mike's eyes. 

"Sonny, you're not saying that you see...?"

"Yes, I am. Is this going to be a problem between us?" Sonny asked. With their schedule, he didn't see Mike very often, but he didn't want to lose his friendship.

"Are you dating Rafael Barba?" Mike stuttered.

"Yes. I guess it looks like we live more or less together," Sonny said. He had thought about it a lot over the last six weeks and decided to be honest with all of his closest friends about his relationship with Rafael. 

"I know it's strange, but... "Sonny couldn't even explain how he ended up with Rafael. 

"Is he good to you?"

Sonny nodded. "Yes, he is. I wouldn't have believed it myself, but we get along pretty well."

"Then I guess that's all that really matters," Mike said with a shy smile.

Sonny patted Mike on the arm and said, "Thanks, buddy. About Hamil-something?"

Mike smiled. "I know a serious salesman but the price is high, I'm warning you. I'll contact him for you, tell me how you met Barba after all these years." 

An hour later he left Mike promising that they would see each other again soon. As he was leaving the precinct, he heard Mike's voice, "Nick, love, you'll never guess who was here and especially who he's in a relationship with. Sonny! And it turns out that Barb... "

Sonny didn't want to stay and listen, he didn't want to pry, he had told Mike that he wasn't going to hide his relationship from his friends. And he knew that Mike was living with Nick, so he wasn't surprised that he immediately called the man who shared his life.

A little later, Sonny was in Rafael's kitchen, tickets in his pocket. Luckily, Rafael was in his office, focused on his article, so Sonny was able to start preparing his surprise. Rafael had let the door open for him that he didn,'t need to leave his office when Sonny came back. Sonny had called Bella to prepare Rafael's favorite dish that was beyond his culinary skills, a veal filet mignon with morel mushrooms, which she would soon deliver to him.

His phone vibrated in his pocket.

- _ Sonny, I'm downstairs. _

It was Bella.

- _ I'll open the door, you can come up. _

"Sonny?" Bella's high-pitched voice echoed down the stairs.

"Hi, Bella!" Sonny said, greeting her sister with a bright smile. "Thank you so much for helping me with this."

"Everything for you brother. Is this where you sleep now?" Bella asked, looking around the kitchen. 

"Yes, Bella."

"Tell me more, Sonny. You're too much of a mystery," Bella scolded in a very motherly way.

"That's because it's still new," Sonny said. "You remember Counselor Barba."

"Of course, he saved my Tommy, I'll never forget it! Even though you grumbled often enough because he was always putting you down," said Bella.

"Well, it's his house. And he doesn't belittle me anymore."

"Well, I hope not," said a familiar voice behind him in the door separating the kitchen and the living room. 

"I guess it would be too much to ask what's going on here?"

"Gee, I've spoiled your surprise, Sonny!" 

"Bella, it's okay, nothing's ruined, I promise!" he continued, taking the dish from her hands, "You can go home and report back to our darling sisters."

"Nothing's spoiled? Can you promise me that?"

"Yes, I promise. Now go ahead."

Bella's eyes hardened as she turned in Rafael's direction. "I will know if you hurt my Sonny."

Rafael remained imperturbable and replied, "I'm scared to death."

"Bella, Rafael will not hurt me. I promise you that. I am happy. You yourself told me that lately I have been smiling like I haven't smiled in years. Well, it's thanks to him."

"All right, Sonny. I trust your judgment," she yielded, kissing him on the cheek before leaving, closing the door on her.

"Well, that was lovely," said Rafael with his characteristic sarcasm. Sonny sighed as Rafael approached him. He reached out his hand, wrapped his arms around his lover and gave him a kiss. When they parted, Rafael said, "You're here early. Do I want to know what the surprise is?"

"Uh... you finished work early too, didn't you? Usually you don't stop until 6:00."

Rafael shrugged. "I heard you talking to someone so I wanted to know who you brought here."

"When the surprise comes, you'll see in a few moments," Sonny said. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold out any longer than that, especially knowing that Rafael might have had plans too.

"So Bella cooks for you, hmm?" Rafael commented. 

"Yes, I needed her help."

"I see," said Rafael. He took a look at the packaged dish and added, "It occurred to me that we might have some trouble with dinner. I hadn't noticed the date until this afternoon, and it was too late to make reservations. I was at a tricky point in my article and -"

Sonny's phone vibrated again.

"It's Bella, she tells me how long it takes to cook the dish. Rafael, will you give me about 20 minutes to prepare everything?"

"All right, I'm going to my office so you can do what you have to do."

Twenty minutes later, he called Rafael.

"The surprise is ready." 

Rafael arrived in the dining room. Sonny froze when he saw him. He had changed, wearing a black shirt and gray pants that seemed to be sewn on him. So handsome. Sonny blinked in surprise. Rafael had the same surprise in his eyes, but it was at the sight of the table Sonny had prepared.

He had rummaged through Rafael's china cabinet and found treasures. A tablecloth in ecru damask. Fine porcelain plates, with crystal wine glasses. A small rose in the middle and on Rafael's plate an envelope. 

Rafael reached out his hand to grab the envelope.

"Open it." Sonny was impatient to see his reaction.

Rafael opened, and in shock his gaze passed several times in a rapid manner between the envelope and Sonny.

"Hamilton?"

"Hm?"

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to see it."

Rafael's open joy made Sonny believe that he owed Mike at least one dinner. Once Rafael had finished examining the tickets, he carefully placed them in a small box that only he knew the code for.

"It's too precious," Rafael explained.

"Do you like it?" Sonny checked.

"Please? I'm...amazed." Rafael said softly. "Thank you, Sonny. It's a wonderful idea." Then he kissed him. The kiss left them both out of breath. Reading the same warmth in Rafael's eyes burning in his own blood, Sonny said, "We should probably eat dinner before it gets cold."

"Yeah, sure." 

They sat down in front of each other. The candle was the only light in the room. Rafael lifted the cover of the central tray, releasing even more of the exquisite aroma. "You know it's my favorite dish?"

The silence as they began to eat was pleasant. They were no longer strangers. When they got to dessert, Rafael took something from his pants pocket, "I realize that it can't really compare with your gift, but I would like you to have this, nonetheless. In light of today's date."

Suddenly, Rafael seemed as nervous as Sonny had felt earlier. "I thought you forgot the date?"

"I've actually had it for some time. The timing never seemed right to give it to you."

Totally curious to know what Rafael had prepared for him, especially since he didn't expect anything at all, Sonny reached out to accept what Rafael was giving him. Whatever it was, it was cold, metallic, and heavy in his palm. He opened his hand. He knew without checking that the object was solid gold. It was a miniature basketball. But it wasn't just that. It had a small hook with a small silver key attached to it.

"I just felt you had to have it," Rafael said, with obvious awkwardness.

Sonny swallowed. "It's a key of the front door?"

Rafael nodded. Shocked, Sonny carefully placed the key on the table. Then threw himself on Rafael. Rafael grabbed him. Sonny climbed into his lover's lap. Their mouths met, and moments later they slipped from Rafael's chair to the carpet. Their hands moved feverishly over each other, undoing buttons and zippers. In record time, they were naked. Rafael drew him to himself. It was a familiar position, but the thrill never ceased to amaze Sonny. Rafael was not about to disappoint him. If the man could accept this sentimental gesture, and give him the key to his house, then Sonny was fairly certain that Rafael could take anything he handed out. But for now, all Sonny was interested in was getting as close as possible to the delicious warmth. Rafael's athletic thighs, and Sonny's groin prested between them, nestled against Rafael's impressive dick. Sonny rummaged through the pockets of his pants, finding the tube of lubricant he was looking for and placed it on the floor next to Rafael's head without opening it. Bending over for a kiss, Sonny began to move his hips. Rafael's hands held him tighter and tighter, and he straightened up to respond to Sonny's every move. Losing himself in the kiss and the exquisite sensations that were flowing through him, Sonny did the familiar dance.

Too soon, they fell in the timeless ecstasy of their orgasm. Sonny could never really tell who came first, he was usually so far away. This time he thought it might be Rafael. All he knew was that they were creating a sticky, hot mess between them. Then the passion reached its peak, and they lost themselves in the wonderful lassitude that always followed. It was as if they were floating there forever, exchanging lazy kisses. And Sonny wished for a moment that this moment would never end.

  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and Rafael are going together to the theater but after the show they have a rather unpleasant encounter...

Sonny clapped until his hands hurt, Rafael doing the same thing at his side. The applause continued as the actors waved one last time before leaving the stage, the lights came on in the theater, and people began to leave their seats.

"So, did you like it?" Sonny asked. 

"Lin Manuel Miranda is a genius."

"Yes he is. Do you want to stop for a drink on the way home?"

Rafael nodded.

They walked side by side out of the old theater. They were about to walk away when a familiar and unexpected voice called, "Uncle Sonny?"

Immediately recognizing Jessie's voice, Sonny turned around, tensing up. Amanda. It was strange to see someone who had been close to him almost like a sister, and after ten years away having the feeling they were strangers. Amanda had hardly changed, except for the hardness in her eyes.

"Hi Jess," Sonny nodded to Amanda.

"I'm so happy to see you uncle Sonny," said Jess, reaching out for a kiss. Sonny still hoped to regain the complicity he'd had with Amanda, but when he saw her twitchy features, he hated the stupidity of that hope. Jessie's gaze turned to Rafael, her eyes getting as big as saucers as she recognized who was accompanying Sonny. "Uncle Rafa? Hiii!"

"Hello Jessie" The silence that fell as Jessie reached out again for a kiss from Rafael this time was deafening.

Not surprisingly, it was Amanda who broke the tense silence. "So, you're going out with him after all? You let me down for someone who left without even looking back at you! "

"Mom, stop! It's Uncle Sonny and Uncle Rafa. Don't shout with them!"

Amanda's words resounded painfully. Sonny couldn't believe how much they were hurting after all this time. Luckily, they seemed to be the only four people lingering in front of the almost deserted theater now. In front of Amanda, Sonny opened his mouth to retort, but it was Rafael who did it first, "First of all, Sonny didn't let you down personally, and if he left, it wasn't for me but for himself. He chose to do something for himself. And from what I know he is extremely good at it."

"What are you meddl-" Amanda started.

Sonny hissed before Amanda said anything unforgivable. The last thing they needed was a public ruckus. "Leave him alone. You have no right to judge our choices." Then he looked at Jessie, "Sorry, sweetie, your mommy and I are having a little fight, but that doesn't mean Uncle Rafa and I don't love you, okay? So you better take your mommy home. That way we'll all calm down, okay, Jess? Take good care of her. I love you honey." 

He kissed her on the forehead, gave Amanda a cold look and made her understand that the fight was now over. Grabbing Rafael's arm, he turned around and headed for his apartment. Blinded by anger, it took him a moment to realize that it was Rafael who was pulling him. Sonny let himself be led. He was in such a state that he didn't realize until he arrived that they were in Rafael's familiar living room. Sonny was horrified to realize that he was shaking. Rafael pressed something in his hand. Sonny stared at the golden liquid in the glass.

"Drink," Rafael gently ordered.

Sonny did so without protest, hoping the burning alcohol would drown his anger and sadness. After a long time standing there, Sonny took a deep breath and turned to Rafael, who looked at him with open concern, "I, uh, I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"It was not a pleasant scene," said Sonny, unable to believe how upset he had been. After ten years, you'd think the wound would have disappeared.

"Come, sit down."

Sonny let himself be guided to the couch. He got ready, waiting for the questions that Rafael was going to ask him, but Rafael just sat down beside him.

Too tense to pretend, Sonny ended up saying, "Since we've been together, you've never asked me about our former colleagues, our former team."

It was only now that Sonny recognized that, apart from occasional questions about how his day had gone, Rafael never asked him anything personal.

"And you never asked me why I did what I did 10 years ago and why I changed jobs," Rafael replied in a low voice. "We never talk about them. I assumed something happened, you talk about Liv, Fin, Mike, but never about Amanda."

"Actually...it's complicated and simple at the same time...uh..."

"Carisi," said Rafael firmly, but nicely, "you don't have to explain or justify anything to yourself." 

Apart from Liv and Mike, no one had had that kind of acceptance before, Amanda, who had been one of his closest friends, had asked him over and over again to justify himself, to explain why he would left the team. He answered with a tight throat, "Maybe I need to talk to you about it. Maybe I need you to know me."

Rafael changed his position so that he was facing him on the couch. Rafael's left arm rested on the backrest behind him, his fingers resting on Sonny's shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"As you wish."

"Honestly, when you left, it gave me a big shock. Don't say anything, I understood that you probably didn't want to see anyone after all this, but the shock was that you weren't there anymore. I didn't have that presence anymore, I had unintentionally made you both my mentor and my safeguard. Somehow I was protecting myself from..."

"From?" Rafael gently encouraged him. There was something in his eyes telling Sonny that he already knew what Sonny was going to say.

"When you were there I could take it for granted, I could stay a cop, since you were there, you were the lawyer in place. So I didn't have to take the plunge, I didn't have to jump into the deep end since you were there. But when you left, we had that poor excuse of a prosecutor that Stone was, and after two months of me going from one disappointment to another, well..."

"You decided to jump?"

"Yes. But I also knew I couldn't take your place in the first place and I was tired of watching cases go wrong, the guilty get away with it and the victims pay."

"You realized that much faster than I did."

"It's been hard. For a long time I felt like I was letting Liv down. But she, Fin and Mike were amazing, they pushed me. Liv took me to see Ellis who said,  _ 'Son, the first time I saw you in the precinct, I knew that one day you would come to work with me' _ . But that joy at first was tainted because Amanda saw it as a betrayal and made you the one to blame. She said you don't just walk away from a partner like that. That I was going to the traitors. Anyway, you know Amanda and the way she usually react to things. That's where we are. I thought after ten years her resentment had cooled down, but obviously not. And the publicity around me doesn't help, I guess."

Sonny looked at Rafael, wondering what he thought of this melodrama.

"It often seems that to be true to our nature, we must sacrifice the things that matter most to us."

Sonny understood that this sentence was for both of them.

"Is that what you did when you left? Sorry, you don't have to answer. I shouldn't have to ask you that."

Rafael's expression was almost tender, and he said, "Of course, all of you, when I left for the salvation of my soul, when I cut all of you off, that is my sacrifice."

"Was," Sonny whispered, hugging Rafael.

"Hm?" Rafael asked, his hand sliding on Sonny's back and rubbing in comforting circles.

"It was your sacrifice," Sonny whispered, hoping he wouldn't blow it up. "You don't have to sacrifice yourself now."

Rafael's arms hugged him almost painfully.

They stood for long hours like that in front of the fire, before simply going to bed and falling asleep hugging each other, aware that they had taken their relationship a step further.

  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happily ever now...

"I thought we could do something different tonight," said Sonny as they lingered over their cappuccinos at _Olio e piu_ the following Friday night.

"Oh?" Rafael inquired. "What's on your mind?"

"I thought we could go to _Serenity_." Sonny suggested.

Rafael seemed to freeze.

"What's the problem?" Sonny whispered, reaching out his hand to Rafael's forearm.

Rafael pulled his arm away and asked sternly, "Do you want to see other men?"

"What?" 

"Why else would you want to go there? "Rafael asked, with an angry face.

"Well, for starters, I could kiss you there without creating a riot." 

"Kiss me?"

"Among other things. What do you think about that? If you don't want to, we can just--"

"There's no reason why we shouldn't go."

30 minutes later, they were heading towards the entrance. For a moment, Sonny controlled himself so as not to give in to his impulse. Finally, thinking that Rafael would let him know if he didn't want to, he silently took his lover's hand. Rafael seemed to freeze momentarily before tightening his fingers on Sonny's. Sonny pushed open the door. Despite the commotion, Sonny could still hear the usual murmurs as he was recognized. Without stopping, Sonny led Rafael to one of the tables next to the dance floor. No sooner were they seated than a waiter came to take their order.

"Two scotches, please," Sonny ordered. Their drinks arrived on their table a moment later, and the waiter moved to serve another customer.

When he felt Rafael's gaze settle on his face, Sonny met those curious, green eyes, reached out his right hand, and asked, "Dance with me?

"What?" he said.

"Dance with me. We don't have to look from backstage anymore. What do you say?"

"How do you know?"

Sonny shrugged. He'd been thinking about it for a while, but he'd only had the guts to ask Rafael tonight. "I remember you were sitting here watching the dancers the first night we met here. I thought that maybe like me you were hoping one day to dance with someone who would be with you."

"Is that what you were hoping for too?"

"All my life," Sonny answered in his most seductive voice.

Even though he knew the effect it could have on Rafael, Sonny was still surprised when Rafael's hand settled in his open palm. Standing, they walked hand in hand across the dance floor. 

Sonny put his hand lightly on Rafael's waist and moved closer. "Will you lead, I'm a real broomstick..."

Rafael gave him an incredulous look, then laughed. "Is it harder than basketball?"

"You don't want to know."

"Well, let me be your mentor again," Rafael smiled sideways. Sonny rubbed his left hand on his stretched back. 

"Sonny, relax, lean over me, and think only of me. Do you think you can do it?"

Sonny had a little smile. "That's what I do most of the time."

"I wonder what else I could get you to confess," Rafael said mockingly, pulling Sonny's head down so that their cheeks could rest against each other. The music started again. Thank God it was a slow song, no need to look graceful and knowing how to dance for a slow song, Sonny thought. He had been thinking too fast when he felt Rafael coming indecently close, pressing his pelvis against his own, Rafael's voice in his ear: "It's just you and me. Don't think about anything else. Feel only me."

Rubbing his palm on Rafael's back in a motion that was an equal measure of comfort and excitement, Sonny responded with his body to Rafael. Closing his eyes, Sonny tilted his hips, blowing against Rafael's neck, letting the music guide them. Finding a natural rhythm, they danced slowly on the dance floor. 

Sonny felt a wonderful spark of warmth in him. Being with Rafael, holding him like this, was so good. His awareness of the other dancers and the people watching them faded. All that existed was Rafael. It took them a moment to realize that the music had stopped. The other men around them were separating and choosing new partners.

Sonny felt as if he had been awakened from a dream. He looked up at Rafael. These green eyes were fixed on him, intense and soft. Then Rafael's mouth was on his, and all awareness of everything but Rafael disappeared. Vaguely, he heard the music starting again. The tempo had changed. 

When Sonny stepped back to get some air, he saw that Rafael had already taken him by the hand to lead him to the exit. Sonny only had time to pick up their belongings as they walked by their table. He didn't remember the way back, because in the cab from the bar to Rafael's apartment, Rafael had hardly let him breathe, kissing him, caressing him non-stop.

As soon as he walked through the door, his hands frantically pushed Rafael's jacket away from his slender shoulders and then began to work on the buttons of his shirt. Rafael was also busy, pulling Sonny's black sweater up. Naked within minutes, Sonny hugged Rafael's smooth and exquisite body. Hands and mouths wandered freely. Rafael's moaning filled the room as Sonny's mouth was on his left nipple. Sonny could almost feel the pleasure light up through his lover as he teased with his tongue the tight pink bud. He wasn't surprised when he felt Rafael push the familiar tube of lubricant into his hand. Rafael walked over to the nearby sofa and leaned over the back of the couch, spreading his legs. As always, Sonny trembled as he contemplated the body. He had never been in a relationship where feelings grew stronger the more they were together. He wasn't going to ruin that. All he was going to do was enjoy it, as long and as often as he could.

He spread the lubricant in his fingers until it warmed up. Moving cautiously, Sonny slipped his hand between Rafael's cheeks and worked his finger inside this narrow channel. Slowly, comfort gave way to acceptance. Sonny positioned himself and entered him. His whole life revolved around those few precious moments when he and Rafael were no longer separate entities, when their bodies and souls merged into this perfect unity.

Completely enclosed in this living warmth, Sonny leaned over and slid his arms around Rafael's chest. They had never done it standing up before. Sonny was going further than ever when Rafael came back to him. The difference in height made the position a little difficult, but Sonny had never felt anything so warm.

Rafael's back was curved, with his head resting in the hollow of Sonny's right shoulder. Sonny took the hard dick in one hand and stroked the golden torso with the other hand. He pushes his face into Rafael's neck until his lips touch the warm skin and then he starts sucking. With his hand and hips moving in unison, Sonny gave himself up to Rafael. Sometimes Sonny would try to describe how he felt when he was inside Rafael. Feeling this warm body around him consumed him and filled him with an unquenchable need...it was love. After a life of hopeless waiting, it was his.

Sonny came with a resounding moan, and a heartbeat later, Rafael was overflowing on his hand.

They were both out of breath as if they had run five miles and collapsed on the couch. Sonny squeezed Rafael and put his chin on the nearest shoulder, breathing in Rafael's familiar scent.

"It can't be comfortable," Rafael murmured a few minutes later, carefully walking away from him before Sonny could open his mouth to keep him where he was. 

Rafael sat down on the sofa next to Sonny, and after a moment Sonny moved so that he was lying on his back, his head resting on Rafael's lap as he stared at his harmonious face.

As if of their own free will, Rafael's fingers moved to stroke his hair. An index finger traced the lines of his forehead. 

"It was... "Sonny began, not knowing what to say, but needing to say something.

"Yes," Rafael simply replied.

The moment seemed to stretch, they looked into each other's eyes. Rafael cleared his throat and said in a hesitant voice, "We never talk about what we've been doing together for the past three months."

"I noticed," Sonny said, pressing Rafael's palm to his cheek and turning his face in the wet palm to kiss the sweat.

"Maybe some things need to be said?"

Tensing up a little, because he could never say what Rafael had in mind when he wore that expression, Sonny asked softly, "What kind of things?

"I couldn't help but notice that you've been sleeping in my bed every night since January. Also, your clothes now seem to reside exclusively in my wardrobe,"

Sonny's belly tightened. This could be a prelude to a goodbye as easily as something pleasant. He knew he was taking a chance by leaving his clothes here and coming back every night, but he couldn't help himself. Unable to deny Rafael's words, he offered a shy, "Yes."

Sonny put a hand on Rafael's cheek and asked, "What's on your mind?"

"I was wondering if maybe it's time for you to consider moving all your stuff here?"

He didn't see that coming at all. Taking a deep breath, Sonny tried to suppress the urge to yell in triumph. He answered as nonchalantly as he could as his heart was about to burst with joy, "Yes, I could do it."

"Uh, there might be a little problem, though," Sonny felt compelled to point out. The hand on his shoulder tightened. 

"What?" Rafael asked, his body terribly motionless.

"Well, you're going to have to meet my 3 sisters",

"Is this an ultimatum then?" Rafael asked in the same lighthearted tone as Sonny, "You and your family or nothing?" and then he added in a much more sarcastic tone, "Then it's me and my mother or nothing."

"It's more like love me, love my dog." It wasn't until after he spoke that Sonny realized that inserting the "L" word in this story, even in jest, was probably a big tactical mistake. 

"I guess there's more than acceptable," said Rafael.

"Would you accept them coming here?"

Rafael's mouth twisted into the smile that Sonny loved. "Well, not without you."

If the resulting laughter was more than slightly hysterical, neither seemed to care.

Sonny turned and put his arms around Rafael in an exuberant hug as Rafael's hand stroked his hair. And there he thought that he could no longer hold the words on the edge of his lips, and like every time since the beginning of their relationship, he jumped without a net, and whispered in Rafael's belly "I love you."

Rafael's hand stopped the movement in his hair and Rafael turned Sonny's head so that he looked towards him. Sonny had closed his eyes, too afraid of what he might read on Rafael's face.

"Sonny from the beginning of this story, you've been incredibly brave, so open your eyes."

Sonny opened his eyes to Rafael who wore an incredibly tender expression. Rafael brought his face close to Sonny's and then whispered against his lips, "I love you." 

Then they began to communicate their love in the way they had known best for three months.

Two lonely souls had found each other, they had taken roundabout paths, but since those paths had led them to each other, they did not regret it. This was only the beginning of their story.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
